Now that's a good question

Gosh, I'm sitting here and wondering why I'm such a emotional wreckage. It started out as a rhetorical question, but then I came up with a few possible answers.

A) Because I'm a woman
B) Because I've got my period
C) Because I fail

But then I started thinking about those answers and I realized something vital was missing:

D) All of the above.

And it's so stupid, you know. I'd be feeling a lot better if I cared less about what complete strangers think of me. Why should I be bothered about my classmates not liking my style of music, or why should I be insulted when they add everyone on Hyves except me? When did I start caring about Hyves and my number of friends in the first place? Man, have I become shallow. Luckily the sane part of me, it seems to take a holiday once every month, keeps reminding me of the fact that I have plenty of friends, and the best I can wish for, and I really SHOULDN'T care about all those little selfish twatwaffles. 

Oh hey, there's good news too. I thought I was gaining wait after this disastrously sinful month, but I actually lost a kilo! Wow!

Why am I always complaining? Can't I ever write a happy blog? Yeah. Maybe. One day. In the future. I'll let you know.

Cry me a river

Boohoo, more project group trouble. They're all very nice people and I really like this company idea we have (though I have absolutely no idea what a beauty parlor has to do with the tourism branch), but some people really need to calm down a little. Seriously, woman, we can't help you start on this stuff with such haste that you want to finish it next week. We also can't help the fact that you've decided to assign so many tasks to yourself that it almost looks like the rest of us are doing nothing at all. And really, I don't think you have the right to get THIS angry at me for not finishing the financial plan when you haven't even bothered to send me the e-mail with the information. If you're being so responsible and great, you should have been sure I actually received the e-mail so I could get to work. But wait, you can't, can you? Because you haven't even BOTHERED to ASK for my e-mail address. And if you don't say anything, how am I supposed to know I was supposed to receive an e-mail? Right. I'm going to get started on the financial plan today, like the official school planner says, and you're going to receive it when it's DONE. And I personally think you'll probably agree with me that it's better to wait a day or two longer for it than for me to finish this with haste, making the quality go backwards.

So much frustration on school, blegh. It almost makes you wonder if it's even worth it. But then when I sit in Law class and it's all interesting and useful to know, it makes me happy again. Talking about Law class, we suddenly had a pop quiz. That was a bit of a nasty surprise, since I've only attended one working class and two lectures. Not by personal choice, mind you, the first time I was ill (surprise, two infections) and the second time the train didn't show up. But nevertheless, the test was relatively easy and I'm curious about the results.

Haha, one of the questions was funny. It asked what type of law was involved in the case: Henk votes for the VVD. I encircled the right answer (I hope), but wrote something next to it:

"Henk is a loser, thanks Henk! >:C"

I'm so funny.

I couldn't have bought my new boots at a better time of the year. Oh my gosh, it's so insanely cold! When I got downstairs this morning it was only 16 degrees in the living room. When it's 16 degrees outside, you put on a COAT. So, whether there was going to be whining and nagging or not, I turned on the central heating. Brrr! And it's not one bit better outside. Ah, the positive side of it is that it wakes me up a bit when switching trains in Deventer.

Ahh, tomorrow. There is going to be a long, long, long train trip... Why isn't Maastricht a bit closer? But it's probably going to be worth it, sleepovers with the Kezen is always a lot of fun, and they're probably even better in a really pretty city. I could really use the social interactions! 

I have to go to the dietitian again on Wednesday and I'm not really sure she and I will be satisfied with what we'll see. It's been a really horrible month. First there was my sister's birthday so you eat everything that's forbidden, and then when you've eaten bad stuff you're like "Pff, what does it matter, I might as well continue with it", and then I got pretty sick for 1,5 week... Bluh. But at least I'm doing well again, and I think the dietitian will probably understand that everyone sometimes has a bad month. Right........?!

Salt in the wound

Luckily my ear is feeling better, and even luckier for me it popped this morning, so now I can hear with two ears again. VICTORY! I must say, you quickly forget how insanely loud the world is when you can hear at full capacity again. You know when the world is especially loud? When you're in a train packed so full it has to leave a couple of people behind on the station. But because I'm awesome, I wasn't one of them, AHAH!

But then there was a rather sour moment in this day. We had to do a presentation. That's not bad, you say? Well actually, it's proven by research that people fear presenting more than they fear death. I'm not one of those people (in exchange, I am terrified of death), but I AM one of those people that likes throwing around random facts at completely random moments. Anyway. The presentation felt alright to me, even if my presenting partner was shy as hell, made a hideous PowerPoint presentation and could hardly utter a word. And then it was time for feedback. Conclusion:


They think I'm too much of a teacher.

What? Everyone, including the teacher thinks this, and yet they think differently at teacher school. Well actually, the teachers at teacher school thought I was a good teacher as well, except for my TP coaches. And then one of my classmates came with the comment that he thought that I can explain thinks very well, that I am nice to listen to, but I am much too insecure. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what they call rubbing salt in the wound. That is what they call kicking someone in the already hurt shins. He didn't know, of course, but it hurt so much that class quickly turned emotional and thus very emberassing. Without knowing he gave me the precise words the TP coaches gave me before they decided I was a lousy teacher and should leave the teaching branche altogether. The teacher did give me some very comforting words; she said that switching from teacher school to Communcation, where one deals with adults and not with rioting teenagers, may have been a very good choice to make excellent use of my presenting talent. But for heaven's sake, that doesn't mean I don't miss teacher school and that I don't still want to be a teacher, and that I'm reminded of my shattered dream every day because I still attend the same school. And then this bastard sitting next to me in the media centre has the history teacher education books I used to use and... Blurgh.

On a happier note, it's almost weekend and I've discovered something dangerously delicious at the Albert Heijn To Go; ricewiches. Normally they're expensive as hell, but since they were 1,50 this time I figured I'd try them and ooohh. I wish I hadn't, because this is going to hurt both my wallet and diet.

It's two slices of onigiri-like sushi things, and then there's stuff in the middle (I had chicken). So, just a sandwich, but in stead of bread they use sushi rice. And omnomnom, it's so incredibly de-li-cious. Maybe I can make it at home. I've made sushi before!

And now I'm sitting here, waiting, because class doesn't start until 1:30 and I'm boohohoooored. And the situation is like this every Friday. Do not want. I would be so happy if they could just move the last two hours :( But that's probably never going to happen.

My blog definitely needs a new design; but how? A noob, I am it.

EDIT: OH MY GOSH *heart* Why didn't I know they had this template earlier? This is SO me. Though maybe a little dark. But definitely better than the awful pink.

LASS MICH! >:C

By request, another blog from me.

I only want to make one comment regarding my last blog: TP coaches can be deceiving. And that's not funny.

Angry Germans on my TV, shrieking the entire time. If anything is a good thing to wake up at 5 in the morning, it's that. Usually when I get up that early, my dad is up as well, and I don't know how he can STAND it but he always watched the German TV. Now there's this show on about a blond slutty girl who walks around in the shortest shorts ever and all she does is SHRIEK. Shriek at her boyfriend, shriek at her dad, shriek at her mother, shriek at her photographer. And really, my German isn't bad, but this show is so stoopid that I can't made head nor tails of it. What on earth is this about? Yeah. My morning wake up call.

Oh god, now they're playing Singstar. Someone shoot the TV.

Hurrdurr, I've been drawing and colouring my moodboard for SLB by hand all evening, but then suddenly a classmate calls me to inform me that SLB is cancelled for tomorrow :G! All that work for nothiiiiiiing~! But then again, now I only have to go to school 'till 11 AM or something so I'll be home early to start with the mail, lala.

I still can't hear a thing with my left ear and there's this really annoying beep in it. Don't you love ear infections? You know what's even greater about infections? You get antibiotics. You know what antibiotics do? They make your pee smell like it came right from hell, oh god. TMI? Don't care, it's 5 AM, I can say whatever the phuck I want *snobby face*

At least, despite my ear infection, I can now listen to music again! I couldn't take my MP3 player on the train yesterday, yeah well basically I could, but I had no earphones. Somehow they ended up on the floor, when mother was vacuum cleaning the floor... And... ... Do I really still need to describe what happened?

Anyhow, have to get dressed like lightning speed now, because suddenly 5 AM is 5:39 AM D: Oh snap.

Well, wans't this huuuuugely interesting? Haha.

GOODBYE.

I'm doing homework! Really!

OHMYGODTHESUNISSHININGANDITFEELSLIKESPRINGOMGITMAKESMESOHAPPY!



This is what the first gorgeous rays of sun are doing to me. And I haven't even been outside yet today, hawhawhaw. I was yesterday, I went to the ever so spectacular market with my mummy-dear and when we got home my poor bunny was staring at me with his poor... ... bunny-eyes? He has long hair which needs to be combed daily, but it hardly happens once a year. I've got a semi-good excuse though. If I go near the animal I get horrible spastical sneezing attacks and moments later I can't breathe anymore. Oh and rashes too. But yesterday I decided it was enough! I got the poor animal out of his cage and cut his hair and cut his nails and let it walk outside in the garden. It helped me rake the garden by digging holes and it was really cute 'n all. Dawww, bunny :heart:

That's not my foot, but that is my bunny!

My sister and a friend of hers and I went to the circus yesterday. It was really cool! They had tigers and elephants and doggies and all sorts of stuff and A GIRAFFE. Which was so cute cute cute cute cute. What was a lot less cute was that I was sitting on the edge, at the front... And then the clowns came... And oh god. I don't want to remember it.

And I'd better not get the Red Week of Joy tomorrow because then I can't go swimming. Swimming, you say? Why yes. If I can I'm swimming twice a week now! It's horribly expensive but it's exercise I can live with. It trains all my muscles and it also helps me get rid of my aquaphobia. If I really want to lose weight I have to cut on every cookie I want to eat though. Meh. And take walks on the days I don't go swimming... Blegh, I absolutely don't feel like walking but it's going to be less horrible if the weather stays beautiful like this. One day I'll be my sexy self again.

This blog wouldn't be a blog of mine if there wasn't at least one thing I ranted about. And what's every student's favourite subject to rant about? Yes! School! That idiotic dean is just NOT mailing me back! It wasn't an important question or anything... It only involved me being able to get my P or not... Solely depending on his reply... Seriously, how hard is it to click the fucking reply button and push a few buttons? If he doesn't feel like replying he can at least send me the name of someone who DOES! My incredibly amazing school once again decided to plan an exam at 6:30 in evening. Which will last until 8:30. Which mean I can either not get home at all or I'll be home at like, 12:30. Which is RIDICULOUS! Now I have to make that exam next period, meaning I've had to skip this exam for TWO PERIODS simply because it's planned at such a stupid time. Feh. They're not rid of me yet.

And more school ranting; I still have a lot of Onderwijskunde to do *sob* I really hate that subject. It's all very interesting, but those subjects. FFFFF! And my historisch werkstuk needs to die. DIE!

On a happier school-related note; I ABSOLUTELY LAV MY NEW TP SCHOOL :heart:

And now I'm hungry and I'm going to eat a matzes.

PS: I wasn't really doing homework, you know. Everytime I attempt to do my homework I end up writing a blog :B

3000 BC

So tomorrow is the ancient history resit. I epically failed that test last time even though I studied my arse off. It's not going to be any different this time. I know it. You know why? Because these tests make no SENSE. We have to study a period of 3000 BC to 500 AD. Do you know how incredibly fucking long that is? Do you honestly think you're going to successfully test our knowledge on a test that has EIGHT QUESTIONS?!

Not only is that horribly ineffective, but there's also no way we can study for this. It's near impossible to remember EVERYTHING into details (and I've seen this test before, you want insane details on insanely unimportant topics), which we're required to do because the questions on the test are going to be a complete surprise. UGH, I can't express in words how angry you make me, honestly. It was the same bloody story for your Middle Ages test. It's a period from 500 to 1500 AD, where all sorts of important things happen like the fall of the Roman Empire and the Germanic tribes and the feudal system... And what do we get? Eight questions on THE MOTHERFUCKING CHURCH... This may be a christian school, okay, but fuck. We're not going to be teaching our students about the coronation of Some English King and what the pope had to do with this. And ESPECIALLY not about the Gregorian Reformationsomethings. Thank goodness I passed that test (though it was most likely a pity grade, I know you), or I would have punched your nose bone right up your brain. I kid you not.

Hurray, failure anxiety.

That breaks my clomp.

Dear hot teacher,

You know how irresistable you are with your beautiful eyes and beautiful hair and beautiful everything, but this time you've messed up so badly that I want to punch you in the face no matter what. Really badly. Honestly, they should take away your diploma, rip it to pieces and then send you back to school. How you can actualy get away with being an extremely lousy and incompetent teacher at a TEACHER'S SCHOOL is a big mystery to me. The good thing is, if even you can manage to get your diploma and officially get to teaching, then I definitely can. Because at least I know that a teacher is not meant to destroy every bit of trust the student has in him/her by being a two-faced prick.

First I go to you and cry, because your subject just happens to be extremely nasty and involved a ridiculously large research report. You can't help that, I know, but for heaven's sake, you could at least have tried to make it more bearable. How do you spell that even? Anyhow. When a student with such immense failure anxiety approaches you in class CRYING, don't pull off your ridiculous fake sympathy trick! Don't promise help and support when you're eventually just going to let them fall and let them drown in their own anxiety and helplessness. But hey. You're new to this career too, so we can forgive you that, eventually.

Or I maybe WOULD have been able to if you didn't pull the exact same filthy trick on the ENTIRE CLASS. This assignment was actually not so bad. It wasn't hard and it made sense. It linked back to what we're about to teach to our students in the future. So today was Judgment Day; time for presentations. Because I've been a bit of a lazy bum (nothing new here) during the creation of the 'lesbrief', I would do the presentation. Normally I'm not bothered at all by having to present something. I'm going to be a teacher after all, if by now I'm still not able to stand there and have a talk, I'd be in the wrong school. Anyway. As the entire class does their presentation, YOU BURN THEM DOWN COMPLETELY, scaring the shit out of me. Really nothing they do was actally right and it seems majority is going to fail this paper. Then our presentation. You nod in approval all the time and make positive comments (I'll forgive you for talking when I was talking), which makes me and my fellow dear groupmembers feel very pleased. Your feedback to our presentation was the most positive of all! Cheers plz! The only thing we have to change, you say, are our footnotes and the fact you don't see any info sources. Oops, we forgot to mail you those while we thought we had. We explain this to you and once again you are calm, understanding, patient, positive. So we have to send in the sourcelist by mail and you'll check them. That seems actually decent! Class then asks you when the resuls will be in and you claim full-heartedly: "Oh no no no, definitely not this week. Next week at LEAST, I'll need time to properly read through these papers." We accept this, though we are impatient.

HOWEVER... During our next class, ten flipping minutes LATER, you've been able to send everyone an e-mail with their grade. Except the one group that failed their lesbrief because it was utter crap, AND OURS, because "your sourcelist is missing, you have made no footnotes and you have no cover". EXCUSE ME? No COVER?! Are you going to be bullshitting about things like THAT? So first you tell us how beautiful and amazing our lesbrief is and that you can't tell us yet whether it's sufficient or not, and tell us you will await our sourcelist. And ten minutes later you've already decided you can't grade our work because this and that and all that lark is missing.

Motherfucker, if you don't have a spine and can't keep your promises to your students, then don't say anything at all. Seriously, you're destroying our faith in you. People are starting to become afraid of you because we have no idea what you're going to do or say. You're two-faced. Anything can happen. And usually that's not the good thing. FFFFF!

I'll eagerly be awaiting your "feedback" on my the research paper that made me cry and I hope it'll be as positive as you told me in class. However, knowing you, you're probably going to tell me things in my paper you just said were fine are going to be the F of me.

Much love,
Your secret admirer.

PS: Stop being so inhumanly hot. All I can do is stare at you and imagine having sex. That doesn't help me concentrate on your horribly boring subject.